100 randomness

a hundred randomness: i've decided to create a very very very very zi lian entry, since zi lian entries seem to be quite popular now.

so.
this entry contains all my solo zi lian photo,
taken using photobooth in my laptop.
photos taken when im bored in the hotel room.. before or after flights.

benefits me in a few ways:
1) keep my blog interesting and going
2) in case my lappie crashes my photos are still in the web somewhere
3) allows my photobooth's photos to 'come to light'
4) prevents my blog from 'dusting'
5) effort in taking photos doesnt come to waste
6) make all of u who misses me out there happy! (reads: you, you, you, you and you)

7) prevents getting nagged for not blogging (reads: you , you, you, you and you again)

here goes!

recent:

after touch down

my 'hao lian' face which i always show the bf

eons ago:



when i was still having short hair




love the cheap and good blue eyeshadow from BKK







my trademark scrunched up face look.
can see alot of wrinkles. i like.




ah meow look.

thats about all.
more of myself next time.
cant wait to be with my girls and have a big gossip session!

first month

1 month has gone by since u left us, ah gong.
this month seems especially fast, yet contradictorily , it seems that this month is moving in a slow motion.

fast because its already a month, and i can still remember the times i walk along NUH corridors, each time looking forward to seeing you in the ward.. looking forward to know how u have been, whether things are getting better? whether there's any more bruises on your hands or legs? whether u have been behaving and not needing the 'boxing gloves' anymore..?
slow because within this month, so many things have came, and gone. i can replay the whole scene during the funeral, the 7 days.. i can replay the rituals, the ceremony, the cremation.. and each day is like a slow motion disc, with me absorbing everything.

maybe the constant replaying of the scenes make the memories fresh in my head, is that right ah gong?

today i went to Loyang's Tua Pek Kong temple.. the few times i went, i prayed for your speedy recovery amongst other usual stuff. however, this time round, unfortunately, i couldnt. even so, however, i didnt forget u in my prayers, ah gong. this time round i prayed that u are resting well and peacefully up there. i also prayed the usual stuff, and for everyone else in our family. praying for 160+ people...praying for the unfortunate kids starving, praying for the people in war, praying for people who are too poor to survive.. i didnt ask for too much did i?

ah gong, till now, i've dreamt of you twice. or have u come to my dreams loads more times but i cant recall?
well. first was the dream where you got angry because you said there was a woman who said that our family members are naughty. in this dream, this are really clear and i saw u in your usual white short sleeve shirt and black pants. you were mad because you wanted us to be good people. point noted ah gong, we will be good. if not u can come to my dream and scold us again. :)

second dream was just yesterday. i dreamt that i was walking thru this field below our old block, and there were alot of ghost floating around and i was so scared that i didnt dare to open my eyes. then back at home, u wrote us this big big big amulet and pasted in on the wall to protect us. the amulet was as big as a door, i remember. so nice of you ah gong, i know u are up there protecting us even if you are not physically here. :)

this month, i grew stronger. i miss you as much, but i try to be happier like 1000 people have told me to. :) i stopped emo-ing and always talk about you with a smile on my face. have yet to upload some photos of you to share with everyone else, esp our family members.
all of us are making effort to meet up more frequently, be it gathering for meals, singing, or dancing lancing sessions. i hope u are happy that we are still united! looking forward to see a huge butterfly soon! that will be you, right? :D

still loving you and missing you,
ah mei.

current favourite joke

my current favourite joke:

一人做事一人当。小丁做事小丁当!

my new toy

there, this is my new toy:



bought by the bf.
i know 1000 ppl have seen it,
but another 1000 havent ma.

so ya,
this is my new toy lor!
:)

looking forward

seldom look forward to any flight,
but i hope my change of flight is approved..
please please.
i wanna do another London with them again!

To Ah Gong

阿公，
明天是大年初一了。 不知到你还记得吗？ 今年少了你，大家的心情都很沉闷。 出国的出国，坐游轮的坐游轮，为了就是想避开新年。留在家里看着别人过年拜年，心里会很难受。没有你真的感觉很不一样。
我呢？明天照样去坐飞机。感觉好像是跟平常一样，根本没有过年的气氛。

记得小时候，因为我们住在一起, 你和阿婆总是除夕就给我们兄弟姐妹红包。我也没问过为什么， 可能因为初一太多人了吧？:)

我们家的新年总是热热闹闹， 大家一起拜年，一起聊天玩牌打麻蒋，嘻嘻哈哈的。。 是你最喜欢的一天吧？看着我们和睦共处，一家大小百多个人都那么相爱，是你最骄傲的吧？

这一切都亏你，阿公。是你把我们从小就培养，培养我们爱护家人，要对大家有礼貌，要互相帮忙。不要打架，不要相骂。你常常都这样对我说，我一切都没有忘记。

我记得你喜欢吃Ferrero Rocher巧克力，新年看到的话会说你要那个金色的。你会把整个都放进嘴里，慢慢地吃，其他牌子的巧克力你看都不看。现在回想那个画面我还觉得蛮好笑的。。多么希望还有这个机会帮你拔开Rocher的纸，看着你吃，然后不知不觉也拿起一个自己吃。我好贪吃！

说真的，以前过年的时候不觉得很重要, 常常都去舞龙，去表演，没有什么时间陪你和阿婆。直到近几年，才开始留在家里，陪你们一起过新年。也许是知道你们都不年轻了，所以做了这样的打算。今年我们不能拜年，我才发现原来是这么寂寞的。看着大家都那么开心，那么热闹，我心里真的有一些些的不开心。
不开心自己还要带着一副开心的面具去上班，不开心不能拜年，不开心不能聚在一起，不开心你已经不在了。

真的很想你。让我自己好过一点，我告诉自己，至少去年初一的时候有和你和阿婆在一起, 还拍了一些照片。把本来的工作表换掉是对的，至少和你度过了最后的新年。

我天天都挂念着你，你有想我吗？
希望你在莫方能看到我们，我们都好想好想你。
爱你，阿公。

pre CNY blues.

very irritated, very grumpy, very angry, very bek cek, very unhappy, very upset.